Retroactive Virus
by Kitsune-Chan 8
Summary: Or, The Complete That 70s Virus Story. When an inexplicable virus sends the City back to the 70s, it's only the start of some seriously strange escapades. With special cameo by Smith Clone No. 57, The Crazy One.
1. Far Out

Author's Notes: Standard Apology. This is the result of extreme boredom and watching waaaay too many episodes of "I Love the 70s in a row and doodling a picture of Niobe as a blaxploitation heroine. Point: Just because I watched all those eps doesn't mean I remember every detail so if anything's a little off, don't worry; just relax and enjoy the show.  
  
Ridiculously Alternative-Universe. Here, humans and machines are truly symbiotic and living in relative harmony like the aliens in "Alien Nation." They work together to protect the Matrix from harm, which usually emanates from The Merovingian and his crew.  
  
Prologue  
  
Persephone wandered around the interior of Café Le Vrai, which was now accurately ornamented like a 70s disco. Persephone herself was also attired like someone from the 1970s: she was wearing a brown and turquoise peasant blouse, a large metal pendant, hoop earrings, a modest headscarf, and "elephant bottoms," bellbottom pants with enormously wide cuffs. She would have been wearing roller skates as well, but she didn't want to scuff up the floor just yet. She spotted her husband, still clad in his usual suit, bent over his special programming laptop checking to make sure that he had accurately programmed the interior of Café La Vrai to disco-licious perfection.  
  
"Ah, my love, you look charming as, how they say, a 'flower child!'" said the Merovingian as his smiling wife sauntered towards him, careful of her enormous cuffs. "This party shall be one of our most memorable!" As she gracefully sat on his lap, he glanced at the screen of the laptop, where glittery strands of code were being translated into the essentials for their party. Just then, they spotted somebody peering at them from the Café entrance.  
  
It was Miro, the Asian, white-clad Vamp who was Persephone's personal bodyguard and handmaiden. She looked very uncomfortable as she spoke. "Er, Milady, do I really have to wear this to the party? I mean, Milady, I think I look utterly rediculous!" Persephone got up from her husband's lap and said "But Miro, don't you want to blend in? After all, with so many guests we are going to need much protection! Besides, perhaps you don't look as bad as you think. Let us see how that outfit looks on you!" Miro almost blushed. "Milady, I'd rather not..." she mumbled. "Please come in and let us see! Or are you disobeying your mistress?" said The Merovingian (but he was grinning). Miro worked her face into a pout and entered the dining room.  
  
Miro's white leather jacket and pants seemed to be made entirely out of fringe and red and turquoise beads that made a clicking sound whenever she moved. Persephone giggled and then pointed out that something was missing from Miro's attire: "The hat! Miro, you have to wear the hat!" Miro groaned as she reached into the "nowhere pocket" of her jacket and pulled out a white Stetson with an elaborate copper band and two long feathers. "Milady, what exactly am I supposed to be, a fashion model or some sort of pimp?!" "Milady" did not answer, as she and her husband were hysterically laughing their butts off.  
  
"Aaaargh, that's it! I am so not going to wear this- this- this fringed insult to fashion!" Persephone carefully wiped a tear from her eye and said "Oh but you must! Everyone else will be dressed in this manner-" "Well I'm not, Milady! If the Twins ever see me like this..." The Merovingian gave a hearty guffaw and managed to say "But I assure you, they will be dressed even more ridiculously then you are!" before completely dissolving into a laughing fit. The thought of the Twins dressed as Elton John sent a shudder through Miro, who was getting desperate to get out of the horrible outfit. Indeed, she was desperate enough to make a grab for Persephone's little purse and the gun inside.  
  
"Miro what are you doing! Let go of my purse! Let go! LET GO NOW!!" "Milady, I'm going to put myself out of my own misery unless you let me pick what I wear!" "Ladies, please, will you stop! This is most embarrassing!" The tug-of-war between Miro and Persephone for the little purse had reached a stalemate when The Merovingian decided to end the situation by stepping between the two and grabbing the purse himself. The moment he reached out for it, both females tugged with all their might which caused both of them to lose their grip, the purse slipping out of Persephone's grasp and sailing twenty feet in the air, hitting a chandelier and falling straight towards The Merovingian's laptop where it landed squarely on the keyboard with an ominous sounding *TWACK* "Uh... oh..."  
  
There was a click, and then the whole world went momentarily black, and then blindingly white which quickly darkened back to normal indoor light.  
  
"S-s-s-sacre blu, what happened?" "I have a bad feeling about this, Milady..." "You should, it was your fault!" "Ladies please be quiet! Do you not sense it?" The Merovingian in full-blown alert mode. He cautiously crept over to his laptop and peered at the screen. It was just as he'd feared: the 70s program meant for just the interior of Café La Vrai had been spread to another area; specifically, all of Central City.  
  
"Aiyiyiyiyi, you women what have you done?! Our party is ruined!" 


	2. Groovy

The Real World, onboard The USHS (United States Hover Ship) Logos:  
  
"Hurry up Ghost, we're late for our rendezvous! The last time we were late, they got so pissed I think they got us into that car chase on purpose!" Captain Niobe scrambled to her umbilicus chair as her first mate Ghost entered the bridge a half-second later. Sparks the operator plugged them in and went to his command center while his friends made their final preparations inside the Construct.  
  
"Why do you always check your guns? You know they're always clean and loaded, Ghost." Ghost grinned. "Well, someday something might go wrong with the program. It never hurts to make sure." Niobe smiled as she dialed her cell phone and said "Yeah, whatever... Sparks, have you got the location for our meeting?" Sparks parked himself before the array of LCD screens and double checked their positions, responded in the affirmative and pushed the "enter" button. Almost instantly there was a strange beeping alarm, and Sparks looked around the screens to see what the matter was. "Oh no," he thought as he found the source of the alarm: Niobe and Ghost's cell phones had completely disappeared; in fact, according to the Matrix, their cell phones never existed.... and either did their weapons.  
  
"Ooooh great, what's happened now?"  
  
The Matrix, Central City, West Avenue Park:  
  
The strange, oppressively bright light nearly stunned Niobe as she arrived at the park for their meeting with their partners within the Matrix. It had been less then a week since they had thwarted yet another of the Merovingian's plans to cause chaos within the Matrix and already there were rumors of yet another plot by the nefarious Frenchman and his seductress wife Persephone. Niobe leaned against a lamp post, tried to look casual, caught a glance of Ghost and nearly died laughing.  
  
"Ghost! Why are you dressed like Seraph?" Ghost didn't respond, as he looked as though he had gone into shock. After about a minute of staring at his captain, he managed to squeak out "M-me?! What a-about you?!" Niobe was confused. "Me? What about me- whathe****?!!??!" As she spoke, Niobe had brought her hand up to her temple and happened to feel her hair, which was no longer in it's usual tight knots but surprisingly... springy. "Ghost... is my hair all... all puffy?" He nodded weakly. "NOOOOOOO! (to herself: It took me five hours to select this hairdo!)"  
  
Niobe and Ghost quickly scanned their surroundings and began to pick up a subtle change that had taken place within the City. Everywhere they looked it appeared that the City had been time warped back to the 1970s. Oddly, none of the humans living within the city limits seemed to notice that women were suddenly wearing outsized sunglasses and bellbottoms and the men all appeared to growing (or attempting to grow) massive afros. Niobe sighed. This could only be the work of The Merovingian, but she could not fathom what he would gain by transporting Central City back to the era of "The Brady Bunch" and Pet Rocks.  
  
Turning back to Ghost, she then noticed that their two associates had also arrived at the park. One appeared to have escaped the time warping while the other... well, he appeared to be a state of shock. "Forgive my partner," said Agent Elle curtly, casting a withering glance at the young- ish looking man at her side. "Agent Brown appears to have a 'thing' about baby blue polyester leisure suits." Agent Brown (who was indeed clad in the aforementioned hideous outfit) actually had to have his hand held after the strange light interrupted their arrival at the park and had decided that now was a good moment to curl up in a ball under a shady tree and mumble bits of his favorite Rolling Stones songs to himself...  
  
A word about these two Agents. Agent Brown and Agent Elle are complete opposites; how they got paired together is a mystery, though there was a rumor that one of the Chief Agents who enjoys playing matchmaker was involved with the process. Anyhow... personality-wise, Agent Brown is fairly easy-going and could easily pass for a normal human if not for the black suit, wire, and odd haircut; also, though he looks like a graduate student he's actually a somewhat older model of Agent then Agent Elle and can be counted on as a virus detector. The newer Agent Elle on the other hand is all business and her sense of humor comes in three flavors: sarcastic, gallows, and biting. She looks vaguely similar to the black- haired "Sailor Star" chick... guy... person... Er, and now back to the story...  
  
Agent Elle stood over her debilitated partner and muttered a few energizing insults to him (Elle: "Get up! What do you think your ex-partners would have done in a situation like this?" Brown: "Go insane and try to kill me?" Elle: "Well, yes, but they would have tried to stop this virus first!" Brown: "Oh...") while Niobe and Ghost discovered to their horror that their weapons and cell phones did not exist in the 1970s and slowly began to panic. "Hello? Humans?" Agent Elle was now glaring at the two blaxploitation / Kung-fu cosplayers and pointing at a nearby collection of payphones. "I do believe *those* existed in the 1970s?"  
  
This was going to be a long day...  
  
Meanwhile, at Café La Vrai...  
  
Persephone had abandoned her outlandishly wide cuffs in exchange for a more- looking normal pair of hip-huggers and was at the moment roller-skating up and down the aisles of the Café's dining area and talking to her husband. "So what do you plan on doing about this? As amusing as it is, we cannot leave the City like this forever!" The Merovingian sat at a table with his head in his hands and replied in a slightly muffled voice "I know, I know, but I don't know how to get rid of this- this 70's bug!"  
  
Persephone skidded to a stop in front of her husband. "It shouldn't be so hard, my love. Why, it appears to be immeasurably more benign then that dreadful "spiral virus" you put on that little town in Japan and that haunted house virus that ate those five humans!" "That was different! I *planned* those, my love! This thing's completely random... I have no idea if I can get rid of it because I have no idea what buttons were pushed when your little purse landed on the keys! Perhaps," he said grimly, "We may have to ask the good guys for help..." Persephone rolled her eyes in disgust. "Hmph! How embarrassing, and you call yourself the greatest programmer since the Architect... Oh Miro! Have you finished with all the delightfully tacky decorations?" "(Mutter mumble grumble)" "WHAT was that, MINION??" "Er... Nearly done... Milady... -_-;; "  
  
As punishment for accidentally spreading the 1970s programming, Miro was being forced to wear a more elaborate, (shudder) orange, pink, and lime green costume with extra beads, fringe, and a matching hat in addition to a pair of roller skates and was at the moment putting up all the remaining crepe paper and cellophane decorations without the aid of a ladder. Being a supernatural creature-type rogue program, this wouldn't have been so difficult if not for the fact that the elaborately beaded fringe kept getting caught in the cellophane streamers and the addition of the roller skates caused her to constantly crash to the floor, leaving skid marks along the walls and a small portion of the ceiling of Café La Vrai.  
  
It was a very sore Vamp who skated dejectedly out the door of the dining room... and immediately ran into the Twins. "Dear Lord," she thought, "They were RIGHT! Their costumes *are* worse then this fruity atrocity!"  
  
The Twins, for once, were not dressed identically, which made the scene even more disarming. Twin One, the more outgoing of the two brothers and Miro's secret crush, had his hair in a frizzy platinum-blond afro and was clad in a shiny, dark purple leather coat with matching pants and pimp hat. He even had a cane, which was topped by a crown, and oddly enough seemed to be actually enjoying wearing his costume. Twin Two, who was somewhat more subdued and teased Miro endlessly about her crush by pretending to be his brother, was wearing a goldenrod polyester leisure suit, and unlike his brother looked like he couldn't wait for their masters' party to be over so he could burn this affront to fashion and dance upon its ashes.  
  
After staring at each other's outfits for a full twenty seconds, they almost died laughing for an additional five minutes. The Merovingian heard them, thought the three were laughing at him for some reason, and punished them by making them all redecorate the Café's dining room... by hand, without the aid of their powers and wearing roller skates. "I'm torn," commented Persephone as she observed Miro blushing as One handed her a roll of red crepe paper as she hung upside down from a chandelier. "About what, my love?" said the Merovingian wearily. After several hours of checking he was no closer to either finding a way to get rid of the 1970s from Central City or getting a costume for their party. "About whether it would be a good or bad thing if this virus doesn't go away." The Merovingian sighed. "It would be a bad thing, my love. This 1970s 'virus' is not a... a timeline, you might say. The City could be stuck like the 70s forever if no cure is found." "So that would mean no progress? No advancements?" "I do not know, ma cheri. Perhaps not, or perhaps a cure might be found either by my brilliant self or (he grimaced) ...maybe one of the good guys."  
  
Persephone thought about the idea of no new fashions and being forced to watch reruns for the rest of her existence, and about their impending party. "Do hurry up! If you cannot manage it, perhaps I shall send out Miro and the Twins-" there was a crash as the three goons heard their names, had an ominous feeling and lost their balance while all three were perched on a really tall ladder "-to find those four we tangled with last time." There was a collective groan from the tangled mass of orange and yellow polyester and purple leather.  
  
Elsewhere in Central city, Agent Brown, Agent Elle, Niobe, and Ghost all sneezed at the same time. "Somebody's thinking about us. I hope it's something nice," thought Niobe as she calmly told a panicked Sparks that No, they did not want to be taken out of the Matrix and to send down some era-appropriate weapons. "Would you prefer a golden gun or a set of ninja stars, Captain?" Niobe sighed. "Both, if you can spare them, Sparks. I think we'll be needing all the help we can get..."  
  
To be continued...  
  
Notes: Everything I know about Niobe, Ghost, and Sparks' personalities is based on a few film clips and my imagination. I don't know whether my two Agents are Original Characters or not... let's just settle for Brown being severely Out-of-character and Elle being semi-original. I swear, I'll write more about "the good guys" in the next chapter, but it's just so much fun to write about the Merovingian and his gang!  
  
PS: "I Love the 70s" is a very funny mini-series about pop culture history of the 1970s on VH1; "Cosplay" refers to people who dress up as their favorite cartoon/comic/anime/movie/TV characters at conventions; The "Sailor Stars" were three severely gender-confused/confusing characters from the anime "Sailor Moon." Three essentially female humanoid aliens were posing as a super-popular boy band in order to find a specific teenaged girl. The black-haired one I site actually *hits* on Serena/Usagi, I think. -_-; 


	3. Neat

As Niobe and Ghost called their Operator to get some weapons, Agent Elle was attempting to comfort her partner, Agent Brown. "I am certain that this is the work of The Merovingian. When we find him you can beat the crap out of him for making people dress like disco refugees, I promise." The thought of finally being able to thrash the annoying Frenchman cheered Agent Brown a little, and he finally stopped muttering to himself and got up off the ground. "That... s-sounds good... Where do you think we would be able to find him?" Elle sighed. "Where do you think? His headquarters at Café La Vrai. Besides, from what our mole told us those two are having some sort of party tonight."  
  
At that moment, Niobe had gotten off the phone. "Sparks said that we can pick up our equipment at the post office (she gestured over her shoulder) and then we can go confront the Merovingian and his goons." She looked at Agent Elle, who now stood out against the swirls of paisley and tie-dyed shirts in her smart black suit. "Do you think you could try blending in? It may help us be less conspicuous since these people appear to have had their brains warped as well." "Agents of the System do not have to *be* inconspicuous," Elle grumbled to herself, but decided that the human had a good idea. The female Agent momentarily vanished as a man in uncomfortably short gym shorts walked his dog past them twice. A second later, Agent Elle reappeared dressed as a 1970s office lady: her long black hair was styled in a messy sort of bun with two chopsticks in it, and she wore a modest pale lavender shirt and a matching skirt tied with an elaborately knotted belt. Agent Brown stared at his partner with his mouth open. "How did you do that, and how come *I* can't do that?!" "Upgrades," Elle smirked, and then sashayed past him to join Niobe, who was already at the post office.  
  
"Can we count on you two to get us some transportation to the Café?" ".... Uh, yes ma'am," said Ghost, who was stunned to see Agent Elle actually looking like a normal human woman. "Females..." muttered Agent Brown to himself, as he tried to change his own outfit to something more cool and Agent-like but only succeeding in turning the baby blue polyester into a particularly hideous shade of aquamarine and giving himself a headache.  
  
Agent Elle entered the post office and found a scene of total chaos: Niobe had apparently started to beat up the guards for no apparent reason and had already shot several holes in the ceiling. At the moment the esteemed captain of the Logos was standing on top of a table and ranting incoherently about oppression, the Black Panthers, and the women's lib movement. "Oh great, this human's outfit has gone to her head!" thought Elle as she rapidly looked for some way to diffuse the situation and found one a nanosecond later.  
  
On the Logos, Sparks winced as he saw a brick-sized package connect with his captain's head.  
  
A few moments later, Agent Elle calmly exited the post office with Niobe slung over her shoulder and the package of weapons under her arm as Ghost and Agent Brown drove up in one of Niobe's prized classic muscle cars. "Niobe! What happened to her?! What did you do to her?!" "Oh, she is fine," said Agent Elle as she placed the box of weapons onto the hood of the car and used her free hand to grab Niobe's afro, exposing her face. "You see? There is no lasting damage, and she will be back to normal soon enough. Shall we be off?"  
  
To be continued 


	4. Jive Turkey no idea what it means, but i...

Sorry the last chapter was so short, I ran into a case of writer's block...  
  
----------------------------------------------  
  
As they drove through Downtown Central City, Ghost and Agents Brown and Elle made keen observations regarding the 70's virus' effect on the City's various residents. It appeared that the currently unconscious Niobe's proposal that the whole City had been "time-warped" was correct: none of the humans and very few of the "retired" programs appeared to notice that there was anything unusual with their dress and slang ("working" programs would not have been seen, and they must have been running smoothly since neither Agent commented them).  
  
"Yo, dig it!" called a former plant program to his friend, "I got some bread from this cat downtown!" "Groooovy!" said the second plant program, "What's this cat's name?" "Eh, Fluffy, or Fifi, or something... the dude wore a collar with a eeney-weeney bell!" "Right on!" Elle looked perplexed. "Ghost... those do not appear to be rose bushes..." Ghost looked at the two programs; indeed, both of them were standing in a little park that used to be filled with roses but was now filled with... "Uh, they're just weeds, Agent Elle." Fortunately for the two brainwashed programs Elle had gotten distracted by her partner's shouting.  
  
"My eyes, my eyes!" groaned Agent Brown as they passed the umpteenth man clad in unnervingly short shorts. "Hey, at least you can just scrub out your memory banks," muttered Ghost, "We humans are stuck with our memories." "Well, give us a minute and we can fix that!" said Agent Elle in a disarmingly cheerful voice. "Er... that's ok, Agent Elle..." Ghost was not sure whether the Agent had been joking or not and he had the uncomfortable feeling that she wasn't. They drove on, disco music filling the awkward silence until Agent Brown couldn't stand it anymore and shot the radio.  
  
About halfway to the Café La Vrai, Niobe regained consciousness and immediately tried to throttle Agent Elle for knocking her unconscious just as she was getting into a good yelling groove. "But my rant was so perfect! If it really was the 70s, I could have gotten all those people behind the causes!" Agent Elle rolled her eyes. "Please. If I hadn't knocked you unconscious the police would have arrested you and your little 'fro too." The two started squabbling while Agent Brown managed to repair the car's radio, and by the time they reached the parking garage underneath the hotel where the Café was situated, blows were exchanged, apologies were given, and "Born to be Wild" was blasting from the speakers.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Agent Brown (who had somehow gotten his leisure suit to be a repulsive sort of olive drab/navy), Agent Elle (wearing her own black suit again), Niobe (armed and dangerous), and Ghost (also, um, armed and dangerous) were only a few paces away from the entrance of Café La Vrai when they were met with excessively fringed resistance. "Er...We wish to speak to the Merovingian and/or Persephone," said Niobe in a commanding voice. To their surprise, the three goons looked relived.  
  
"Thank the maker you're here!" gasped Miro, who was now hopelessly (and embarrassingly) tangled up in multi-colored fringe, with One attached to her right arm and waist and Two somehow caught *upside-down* to her left leg. "Please tell us you've come up with--" "Some sort of plan to get rid of the virus?" said One and Two pleadingly.  
  
This was *so* very not good. "You mean you don't know how to get rid of it!?" snapped Agent Elle as she pulled out a silver shuriken (ninja star) to cut the three apart; they were so pitiful-looking that she had to do *something.* "No... There was sort of an accident-" (Two snickered) "-shut up! Anyway, this virus was an accident, and I don't know if even our master knows how to get rid of it." "Do you know the extent of the damage?" asked One after being freed from Miro's torso (not that he minded; what Miro didn't know was that One had a crush on her too!) by Agent Elle. "As far as we know, only the City is affected; we have not heard anything from other sectors," said Agent Brown, conscious of his dreadful attire which was no longer any sort of pleasant color. In face, it was so awful that having been freed from his jacket One offered his purple leather pimp-daddy duster to the embarrassed Agent, who only too gladly accepted.  
  
After being extricated from her crush and his brother (who were both snickering at the sight of Agent Brown wearing the rich purple jacket over the hideous orange-avocado-lime colored leisure suit), Miro asked Niobe, "So what do you suppose we do about it?"  
  
"I WILL TELLYOU WHAT WE WILL BE DOING ABOUT IT!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF PURE MOUNTAIN SPARKLING GREEN CODE ARE MY MINIONS DOING FRATERNIZING WITH THESE FOOLS?!"  
  
It was The Merovingian. And boy did he look PO'd....  
  
2 B Continued! 


	5. Dig It

To Matrix Refugee: (Evil grin) Why thank you for the inspiration! ^_^ Mero: o_O;;  
  
Everyone in the hallway froze as The Merovingian, now wearing a disco outfit colored a shade of taupe that clashed horribly with his hair, stood at the entrance to Café La Vrai's dining area and glared so viciously everybody thought they felt their hair getting singed. "Well?! What in the name ME are you lot of do-gooders doing here?" At last, Miro spoke; in a tentative voice she said, "Well, Master, Milord, Sir, I think they, er-" "TODAY, MINION!" "-Ithinktheycameheretotalktoyouaboutthatvirus, Sir!" The others assembled in the jade green hallway nodded in agreement.  
  
"We came here because we thought you might know how to get rid of this time- warp virus," said Agent Elle calmly while she toyed with the ninja stars in her coat pocket, "But now we're not so sure that you would be able to get rid of it." "Excusem moi!? 'Get rid of it?'! What do you think I have been doing for the past few hours, making paper hats?! I -" *SMACK!* At that moment Persephone calmly skated past the doorway and smacked her husband very hard upside the head. The Merovingian took a deep breath and exhaled, which seemed to calm him down. "Ah... Merci 'Sephone, I needed that..." "No problemo mi amore," she called as she sped off to supervise the buffet table.  
  
"So, where were we?" The Merovingian had regained his composure; it seemed that his outburst had been caused by the fact that despite all his efforts the inhabitants of Central City was still sporting massive afros and anticipating new episodes of "The Brady Bunch" and "Charlie's Angels." Niobe sighed. "The virus. One of your goons (the guy that doesn't look like the other two guys) said that the virus was an accident; is that true?" "Alas, it was. It was all an accident caused by my wife and that one (he pointed at Miro) fighting due to fringe-induced hysterics. As you can see, this is all so very frustrating..." As proof he held up his precious laptop, now dented and scratched due being tossed out the window and falling 101 stories to the street below. Agent Elle and Agent Brown winced at the sight of the damaged computer (tech abuse is still a sore spot for AI ever since the B1663R incident. Sensitive machines, insensitive owners, four dozen chihuahuas, and a condo simply don't mix...) while Miro and the Twins used the shurikan they nicked from Agent Elle to shear off the last of the offending fringe from their costumes.  
  
While the three goons were busy celebrating their liberation from their terrible trimmings by throwing the multicolored beaded strands like confetti, Ghost, Niobe, Elle, and Brown were deep in thought with the Merovingian trying to figure out a way to banish the 70s from Central City. Their little think tank was interrupted by Persephone who pointed out that their little soiree would be starting in a few hours and that her husband's disco suit (which had faded to a pristine white) was looking much better.  
  
The Merovingian opened his laptop to see the progress of the virus and suddenly said "Ah!" in a slightly hopeful manner. "What is it Master?" asked Two, right before he was smacked by a ball of fringe. "This is a good sign..." murmured The Merovingian, a small smile on his face.... 


	6. Totally

"Well? What is it Mero?" asked Niobe as the Merovingian continued to gaze at the dented laptop in an awed manner. "Has the virus stopped or has something else happened?" "Que? Oh, no, I was just informed that the DJs have arrived. And do not call me 'Mero,' that is not my name!" Everybody was about to collapse anime-style in aggravation when the elevator dinged open.  
  
To the surprise of everyone not connected with the Merovingian's party, Neo and Trinity walked into the hallway with Apoc and Switch trailing behind, all of them carrying armloads of equipment and crates of records. Niobe was stunned. "What the fack are you guys doing here? And why are none of you wearing polyester?" Indeed, the four of them appeared to be dressed in normal, nonpolyester and fringe-free clothes, though Apoc's purple shirt appeared to have glitter dusted onto it. Apoc noticed Ghost staring at the light blue sparkles on his shoulder, nodded his head at Switch and simply said "Her fault."  
  
Meanwhile, Neo, who appeared to be equally shocked by the sight of Niobe dressed as Foxy Cleopatra and Ghost clad as Bruce Lee, was about to explain that they had just gotten here and that they were DJ-ing the Merovingian's party to repay him for letting them stay at his celebrated pool party a month earlier (after they had destroyed his foyer with all the cool weapons), but he didn't get the chance because at that point the Merovingian let out another hopeful-sounding "Ah!"  
  
"What is it now, Milord? Has somebody arrived unfashionably early?" queried One as he and his twin and his crush set about helping the DJs with their considerable amount of equipment. The Merovingian looked elated as he spoke "I do believe this virus is starting to correct itself!" "Could you elaborate on that?" asked Agent Brown, who was slightly surprised to see the man who would have been the savior of mankind in an alternative universe preparing to help DJ a party hosted by his worst enemy. "It means - well there's a - oh, just look here!"  
  
The Merovingian held up his laptop to show the others. "Oh... my... God..." breathed Ghost. Niobe shielded her eyes from the multicolored display while the four DJs burst into gales of hysterical laughter. Agent Elle could only gape at the screen while Agent Brown (still wearing One's royal purple coat) ran off yelling "My eyes! My eyeses! Yaaaaugh!" before Elle caught up to him and smacked him back to his senses. "Will you calm down!? You are an Agent of this System, you are stronger then any of these fools (well, except Neo), and you get to thrash Mr. Frenchy-wannabe once this virus is gone!" she whispered comfortingly to Brown as he shielded his face from the awful sight with the coat. "B-b-b-but..." "NO BUTS, AGENTBROWN!" "But... The screen... the *horror*..." Agent Elle smacked him a bit harder this time, which appeared to help.  
  
Although...  
  
The Seventies were over. The Eighties had begun.  
  
--------------------------  
  
Author's Notes: Do not worry! This is not the end, though the end is near (I think)! 


	7. Radical

Morpheus, captain of the Nebuchadnezzar and Niobe's almost fiancée (he wasn't her fiancée only because he hadn't proposed yet), was in a good mood that evening as he entered the Matrix to attend a party. He was dressed in the best pimp outfit he could create: a bejeweled, purple velvet duster with plenty of fringe, with a matching purple velvet hat with a giant feather attached to it. He had even made a cane topped with the figure of a woman (actually Niobe, but that would be his little secret). Yes, he was most pleased with his attire; it wasn't every day you were invited to a costume party hosted by your worst enemy to announce his retirement from villainy.  
  
Apparating directly in the lobby of the building where Café La Vrai was situated, he had not noticed the strange, retroactive atmosphere that had invaded the City. As he ascended the elevator to the 101st floor, the car shook violently and the lights cut out as though an earthquake had rocked the City. Very shaken, he was relived when the car continued to go up and finally stop on the 101st floor. He exited the car, happened to glance at a mirror, and nearly let out a girly, high-pitched shriek.  
  
"Wah! M-m-m-m-my j-j-j-j-j-jacket!" stammered Morpheus as he looked himself over in the mirror. Instead of his marvelous purple velvet confection was a horrifying mass of neon: the gold jewelry had been replaced by plastic neon chains and the purple velvet was now a crazy quilt of neon triangles. "YAAAAGH! NOT THE JACKET!!!"  
  
Niobe, who like the others was in the hall, heard the anguished cries and rushed over to the quivering form slumped in the hallway. "Morpheus! What are you doing here?! And why are you dressed like Arsenio Hall?" Morpheus took another glance at the mirror and fainted. "Morpheus? Morpheus! Wake up! Wa-oh my lord... NOT THE HAIR!! NOOOOOOOO!!! *Sob!*" Her hair was now in thick, ugly braids that stuck out at odd angles from her head. She was wearing the most hideous sweater in existence, a hot pink and cheese-wiz orange monstrosity (with matching stirrup leggings) that clung onto her like a particularly bad... well, I don't know what, but for some reason she could not rip it off no matter how hard she pulled. Meanwhile, inside the dining room Neo, Trinity, Switch, Apoc, Persephone, the Twins, and Miro all shrieked simultaneously. "NOOOOOOO! GOOD GOD HAVE MERCY!!!!!!!"  
  
The Merovingian sighed. "Great, now I will have to change the party theme! Stupid virus, stupid, stup-Merde!" He had just noticed his new, bright green suit with purple paisley tie. "WAHHH!"  
  
The only two entities not screaming in fashionable horror were Agent Brown and Agent Elle. Agent Brown was actually pleased with his appearance; aside from the bolo tie with cow skull clasp thingy, permanently rolled up sleeves, and the slight mullet he now sported, he was looking more Agent- like then he had all day. Agent Elle rolled her eyes at all the panicking humans and programs and stealthily prepared to move about the place and whack them all out of hysterics; or rather, she would have if someone hadn't knocked her out first.  
  
The last thing Agent Elle heard before the room was plunged into darkness was someone humming.  
  
"I love the nightlife... I love to boogie..."  
  
------------------------ To be continued 


	8. Gnarly

A few minutes later Agent Elle had regained consciousness... and immediately wished she hadn't. The whole room had been redecorated to the style of the 1980s, which had the effect of causing the Agent to have a flashback of her senior prom. Let me tell you, the Matrix Agent Academy isn't exactly known for great parties... at least not the official ones that take place on campus. Anyhow, after being momentarily overwhelmed by the rotating lights and cheap neon and lamé décor, she quickly spotted the other humans and programs and quickly assessed the situation (and horrible 80s fashion):  
  
The programs (Agent Elle, Agent Brown, The Merovingian, Persephone (wearing the infamous "Fatal Attraction" interrogation dress), the Twins (in Gordon Gekko-esqe suits), and Miro (dressed like early Madonna!!)) had all been dragged to a corner and neatly tied up with what appeared to be brightly colored jump ropes. The Humans (Niobe, Morpheus, Neo, Trinity, Apoc, and Switch (all were dressed as glam/Goths... if you can remember Orgy and their "Blue Monday" cover, you get the picture) were in an opposite corner, likewise out cold and tied around a column of speakers.  
  
"Hsst! Hey!" It was Ghost, who had managed to elude whoever tied everyone up. He was dressed like a skater boy and had snuck up behind the Agents and was starting to untie them. "Do you know what's going on? I thought I heard someone singing, and then all the lights went out! You... you don't think it's *him,* do you?" Agent Elle grimaced as she moved at super human speed to untie the others. "You mean number 57? The so-called 'Crazy One'?" "Yeah. Nobody, human or program, has seen him since that battle with Neo during the Night of Storms..." Agent Elle sighed. "You would think that SOMEONE noticed an Agent in a red zoot-suit and a black feather boa, but-" "SHHH!" Agent Brown was now awake, as were the other programs and a few of the humans.  
  
"What is i- Aaugh! OW!" Neo had tried to stand up while still being tied to Trinity, Apoc, and Switch. "Shh!" Agent Brown thought he had heard something... something on the ceiling. "What is it?" asked Miro groggily, "Was it a $#!+ weasel?" There was an odd silence for a moment. "Where on *earth*-" started One "-did *that* come from?" finished Two. Miro shrugged. "I was having a nightmare-" "WILL YOU LOT OF NUTTERS BE QUIET?! I THINK I HEARD SOMETHING!!" roared Agent Brown. "Since when did he use British slang?" muttered One softly. Miro giggled.  
  
"THERE- eer, I mean, (whispers) there it is again!" They all were silent, listening intently for whatever Agent Brown was hearing.  
  
"Hee hee hee... I'm your Boogie Man, that's what I am..."  
  
Whatever he was, he did not get to finish because the rest of the song was drowned out by gunfire. A moment later in a corner of the ceiling of Café La Vrai there was a good-sized area riddled with bullet holes. "Did you get him?" asked Persephone anxiously. "Uh... no, Milady. There is no body there..." Suddenly the room went dark again, with only the spinning disco lights for illumination.  
  
Somebody had gotten to the DJ booth and commandeered the microphone and started yelling random bits of songs: "I was struck by lightning! Walking down the street! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY-O! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-O! Daylight come and he wan' go home! You've got to whip it! And whip it good! Dum dum dum (lower pitch) dum da-dum dum da-dum (higher pitch) dum dum dum dm da-dum dum da-dum!"  
  
Agents Elle and Brown started firing on the turntables. There was no doubt now how their mysterious assailant was: Agent Smith clone Number 57, a combination of the demented "Smith-virus" and a severely warped ex-program who had been (among other things) a fashion model and a performance artist. A sudden thought struck Agent Brown: if the Merovingian was retiring as the "main villain" of the Matrix, who was going to take his place? The Agent rounded on the faux Frenchman. "Did. You. Invite. Him. Here?!" "No, no, nonononononono, of course not! No!" This did little to endear him to the already distressed Agent. "Are you aware of what he *is*?! The Original Smith could hardly control him! This one is so unstable the *laws of physics* barely apply to him!" The Merovingian looked sheepish. "I just thought he would make your lives a little more interesting...!"  
  
Agent Brown dearly wanted to punch him out right there, but there were other matters to attend to, such as how were they going to capture or kill someone/thing they could not see in spite of his garish attire. Now free, Neo and the others were anxiously scanning the room for any sign of movement.  
  
"So, Milady," said Miro to her Mistress, "Is the party off?" Persephone, ever the blonde (in spite of being a brunette) smiled and said, "No, it is only being postponed for a while!" Miro sighed. "No rest for the wicked, eh?" she thought to herself, as she handed Persephone a gun and prepared for battle. 


	9. AWESOME

In the immortal words of the Script:  
  
They fight.  
  
Oh boy did they fight....  
  
Neo, Trinity, Apoc, Switch, Morpheus, Niobe, Ghost, Agent Elle, Agent Brown, The Twins, Miro, and even Persephone and The Merovingian drew weapons to fight against the insane force of Matriculated nature that was Smith clone No. 57. "It's almost unfair," thought No. 57 to him (it?) self in a voice that recalled Colonel-Agent-Muska at his most unhinged, "They think they can fight back after only seeing a fragment of my powers!" Indeed, not even the Agents knew what they were really up against; though nearly impossible to control even by the so-called Original Smith, no one had ever actually seen No. 57 in action either because he moved with such speed or because he simply was not there at all. It was said amongst the Agents that even Original Smith might have admitted to himself that perhaps it was a mistake infecting that particular program...  
  
For a full twenty seconds the crowd in the disco-lit dining room of Café la Vrai shot or swung out at random directions, hoping by chance to catch No. 57 off guard, but they only managed to hit the walls, the windows, or empty air. At least three times someone had thought they caught a glimpse of the rouge pathogen and lashed out only to discover that it was the Twins or The Merovingian lit by a whirling red light. After giving her husband a black eye (though he was lit by a *yellow* light at the time) Persephone shouted, "This is useless! How can we fight something we cannot see?"  
  
For some reason, this statement caused Morpheus to look about. "Where is Neo?" he shouted to Trinity. "He's right behind--" she glanced behind her and, shockingly, her husband (yeah that's right, they got married) was nowhere to be seen. "He's gone! You don't think that clone got him?" "No," shouted Agent Elle, "One of the reasons we were not too concerned when No. 57 went missing during the Night of Storms was because-" she dodged a few ill-aimed bullets "-he's a kind of mutant! He cannot infect and clone himself into others, though we are not sure why." "Huh, maybe he's like Tigger!" called Switch from somewhere near the demolished DJ booth. "What?!" asked Agent Brown, perplexed. "You know, 'The most wonderful thing about Tiggers is that IIIIIIII'm the only one!'" Switch sang, grinning at the childhood memory of her favorite Winnie-the-Pooh character. The two Agents gave each other a Look. "Humans..." they muttered as they rolled their eyes in perfect unison, and went back to firing at the shadows on the ceiling.  
  
At last they were all out of bullets to fire and pointy objects to throw. Shuriken (ninja stars), knives, forks, shards of glass and even spoons were sticking out of the walls at odd angles and EVERYTHING from the windows to the walls was riddled with bullet holes. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to have gotten No. 57, as he was nowhere to be seen and neither was Neo. They quickly rushed into the hallway, but it was empty. Morpheus glanced at his watch (which was a rather odd concoction of neon green geometric shapes) and to his surprise discovered that it was almost dawn. He then glanced back into the dining room and out a broken window. The sky was tinged a dark gray-green that was gradually getting lighter. After a moment, Morpheus noticed the large hole in the glass, a hole big enough for a man to go through if he were flying out. "Neo...!" he gasped. "Everyone! I think they went outside!" "But we're a hundred floors up!" marveled Miro, "How could...! Oh, right, his Superman thing *Yaaaaaaawn* OW!" As Miro brought her hand up to cover her mouth, one of her dangling earrings had gotten caught the lacy, fingerless glove she was wearing.  
  
She was not the only one who had temporarily forgotten that Neo could fly; almost seven straight hours of fighting can do that to anyone. The motley crew herded themselves into the elevators (One kindly helped Miro disentangle her glove from her earrings) they caught a quick nap on the way to the ground floor. When they finally got outside the sun was nearly up and the street was washed in a gray light. Also, every window for a three- block radius was shattered. "How long do you think they were out here?" asked Trinity as she surveyed the damage. "Hmm..." She knelt on the ground as though tracking a wild animal through a jungle. "Judging by direction of the shrapnel and those booming noises a block away, not long; maybe a few minutes before sunrise, perhaps?" She turned to Morpheus and the other humans. "Well, what do we do now?" Switch winced as a particularly loud boom was followed by an unnervingly high-pitched giggle.  
  
Trinity looked off into the distance, head in her hand. "Well, I do think that he can take care of himself, though I just don't know..." "Yeah," said Niobe, (who was still trying in vain to rid herself of that vile sweater, which miraculously was still intact) "I mean, that... that *thing* is crazy and nearly as powerful as Neo!"  
  
"The word to remember here is 'nearly!'" said a cheerful voice behind Trinity. Trinity nearly leaped out of her skin. "NEO! Where the fack did you come from!?" Neo, his Goth costume somewhat hidden by the "Shaft-esqe" leather trench coat he had picked up from one of the broken shop windows, smiled as he handed Trinity a slightly burnt, black feather boa. She was amazed at the coil of still smoking feathers in her hand. "This was No. 57's! Does that mean...?" "Yup," said Neo. He dipped his hand into a pocket of the leather coat and brought out a small bottle filled with a dark red metallic liquid, which he handed to Agent Brown. "This is all that's left of Smith No. 57." There was a tinge of sadness to his voice. "Unfortunately, I had to destroy its host program in order to defeat him." "A small price to pay," assured Agent Brown, "He was already quite unstable to begin with." He handed the bottle to Agent Elle, and then turned to The Merovingian. "NOW AS FOR YOU...!!!!!!" "Yeagh, merde!" cried the faux Frenchman as the two tore down the street as the rest of the group snickered after them, with Agent Elle actually guffawing out loud.  
  
Persephone sighed as she wearily handed her gun back to her handmaiden. "That man of mine... the Agent can chase him into next week but he will probably never learn..." "I suppose you are right, Milady," sighed Miro. "So are we really out of the villainy business?" Persephone grinned. "For now, anyway!"  
  
Agent Elle, securely gripping the ensnared metallic essence of No. 57, scanned to code of the Matrix in the warm morning air. "Ahh," she sighed. "At last, it's the present again; the Retro Virus seems to have vanished with the rising sun." Indeed, the others had discovered that as well: Niobe was finally free of her loathsome sweater and had taken a lighter to it while Miro had ripped off most of the extraneous accessories of her costume.  
  
The humans and machines went back up to the Café to celebrate the multiple victories of that night with a grand breakfast. Finally, all was peaceful in the Matrix and things had returned to normal, or at the very least whatever passed for normal in the Matriculated world.  
  
Just as they were about to toast to the newly non-villainous stature of the Merovingian and his gang, Agent Brown and The Merovingian burst into the room. To the surprise of everyone, they had an oddly singed appearance as though they had run through a burning building and, even more shockingly, they appeared to be grinning in a guilty manner. Agent Elle sighed. "What's happened NOW?"  
  
At that moment, a giant reptilian eye peered into the Café, accompanied by an ear-splitting ROOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR! Persephone rounded on her minions. "I THOUGHT I WARNED YOU ABOUT LEAVING THE DVD PLAYER ON!" The Twins and Miro shrugged; they were too tired to be frightened of their mistress' wrath (BIG mistake). "It wasn't us," said One, his arm around a sleepy Miro, who had nearly fallen face first into her scrambled eggs three times already. "Yeah, Milady," chimed in Two, "We were watching 'Babe!'"  
  
As Persephone hollered at Miro and The Twins (who were now fully awake and once more fearful of the fury of Persphone), Niobe calmly swiped a piece of nice, crispy bacon from a nearby platter. "Aren't you worried?" asked a slightly shaken Morpheus to his future fiancée. Niobe observed the enormous eye at the window, which was currently eyeing the buffet. "Giant lizard running amok, terrorizing the populous?" She took a sip of her coffee. "Compared to the 70s and 80s, I think this can wait until after breakfast."  
  
[END!]  
  
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Author's notes: Completed, Finished, Yay! I had such a fun time writing this story, and I'm glad for all the reviews I got, mucho thank yous to all you readers!  
  
"Colonel-Agent Muska" is from "Castle in the Sky." Muska is... well, a colonel who also is an agent of sorts. He's also unhinged, voiced by The Joker/Luke Skywalker(!), and bares an uncanny resemblance to Agent Smith, amber eyes, blond hair, and ruffled neckwear aside. As for how Neo defeated No. 57... well, I leave that up to the readers' imaginations where it will undoubtedly be better then any description I can come up with.  
  
Once again, thank you to all who reviewed!  
  
Your humble Authoress, Kitsune-Chan. =^_^= 


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